


The Void™

by The_queer_writer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anxiety Disorder, Chocolate Cinnoman Rolls, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Other, protective friends, werewolf to human conversion therapy, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-01 19:52:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15780930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_queer_writer/pseuds/The_queer_writer
Summary: Remus wakes up in a depressed episode and the other ¾’s of the Marauders help him out of it. Inner turmoil, junk food, movie watching and implied cuddles ensue.





	1. chocolate cinnamon rolls and supportive friends

Remus lays on his bed, in the Hogwarts dorm he shares with the other marauders, staring at the wall so long that his vision becomes blurred. He tried to go back to sleep, to ignore or even forget. He gets like this sometimes, usually for no reason in particular. Like everything is just too much and his body shuts down. His mind starts to slow and everything becomes so utterly dull. He's been through enough of these days to know how it will go. No school, no food, no hitting up Hogsmeade after the last class of the day. He will lay here. All day. And maybe have enough energy to take a piss but considering he won't be consuming any liquids he probably won't need to. This is what Remus has named The Void™.

James pops his head into the dorm room, probably to let him know it's time to get ready. If he's lucky he'll manage a hum of acknowledgment so James will finish getting ready then get distracted with his daily goal of getting Evans attention and leave without him. Leaving Remus to be a fuck up alone. But the world obviously hates him so James came back. 

He says something along the lines of how they're gonna be late and needs to hurry. Remus doesn't respond. James continues, even coming over and nudging moony’s foot but to no avail. He disappears and a few minutes later Sirius appears. 

“You okay, moony?” 

“Come on, Re...It’s Friday and we have transfigurations first, your favorite class.”, Sirius tries again.

A few moments pass and Remus doesn't say anything. He loves Sirius, he really does but he just doesn't get it. None of them do. So they try their best to help but in the end, it comes down to when his body decides to let him go. 

He hears Sirius talking, it sounds like nothing important so he doesn't have to respond but it helps him from fully slipping into The Void™. Sirius has seen him go through enough of this to know what helps. Remus’ chest is tight and his mind is whirling but he feels nothing. No strong emotion to focus on. He hates himself for these days. He gets panic attacks just thinking about these days. The knowledge that they are unavoidable. Nothing helps. Not the therapists or medication. Not that he's using either right now anyway. What's the point? Nothing's going to change. He tries to tell Sirius to leave him and go to class but no words leave his mouth like his voice was stolen. He feels like screaming but he can't. 

He is so completely helpless. When he gets like this he wonders why his friends even bother. He's so much work and he's sure life would be easier without him constantly pulling this shit. His parents have already made it quite clear they wish he were dead.

He feels the weight on the bed shift and leave before being replaced by another weight. He looks over and finds James sitting there. It must be time for Sirius’ to go to Arithmancy. James starts talking about his latest scheme to win Lilly's heart. The side of Remus’ mouth quirks up in what is probably a pathetic version of a smile. If James just paid attention he'd see that he already has stolen Lilly’s heart. Remus wants to tell him to stop being stupid and just ask her out but all that actually is said is

“Yeah, that sounds good" 

But by the time he realizes it and wants to fix it he just doesn't have the energy to. Or maybe it's that his body won't let him. Either way, he feels stuck. Like he could scream until his lungs collapsed but his friends still wouldn't hear him. Put in a straight jacket and left in a dark room. Trapped within himself with a never-ending loop of self-hatred and numbness playing in the background. He kinda smiled a moment ago so maybe he's coming out of it. He feels his eyes start to water and he really doesn't want to cry. To show even more weakness. Maybe he should stay like this. What if the real world is even worse. Maybe he's just not cut out for it. Maybe he's here by mistake. Maybe this isn't so bad.

All of a sudden he's crying and his whole body jerks. Before his brain even allows him to process what's happening he's scratching at his arms and James is grabbing his wrists to stop him before he could start bleeding and hugs him. He flings himself into a sitting position because he's scared that if he doesn't move he'll end up back in The Void™. James and Remus just sit there while Remus takes as much time needed to even out his breathing. James tries to cast an inconspicuous healing charm where Remus was scratching. After a few minutes have passed Remus starts to feel uncomfortable. He never knows what to say in moments like these. Is there anything to really say? Luckily for him, that's when Sirius enters the room with an arm full of what appears to just be an assortment of random objects. 

Sirius is putting everything on one of the beds in the dorm. “Is he out of it yet? Because I got his favorite; chocolate cinnamon rolls and th-"

“I'm always available for chocolate cinnamon rolls.” Remus cuts Sirius off. Thankful for the break in the silence and happy his friends know him so well. He looks up to Sirius who's smiling and setting up the movie on the TV that they usually keep shrunken and hidden. 

He's still not sure how James, Sirius, and Peter were able to break the spells that keep electronics from working in the castle and what they did to get the TV and DVD player to work without electricity. Being a prefect he tries to keep out of stuff like that and not ask for details. But right now he's happy they did it because eating sweets, watching a movie and piling into one bed with his friends is all he has the energy for. And when future Remus claims to McGonagall his absence was because of the flu, even though that's the third time this month, it will be okay because she knows what's really going on.


	2. Remus' Trip to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is, for unknown reasons, summoned for winter holidays to The Hellhole™ a.k.a where his family lives and none of his friends are happy about it. Sirius is planning Remus' escape before he even leaves Hogwarts, James thinks Mr. and Mrs. Lupin want to sell him on the black market, Peter keeps offering him chocolate and Lilly thinks that maybe they want to be civil and talk to him face to face. So in short, no one has any idea what's going on and all the marauder's and co. are mad about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be adding tags with every new chapter when needed.

“I really don't want you going, Moony.” Sirius storms into the room, hand gripping the letter. Remus knew this was coming, he briefly turned around to glance at Sirius. The latter had just come from an impromptu Quidditch practice if the garb was any indication, along with his hair being in a bun and the signature spike chain earring missing from his left ear.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice, Pads. They're my parents.” Remus mumbles as he's packing his trunk. He's just throwing things in at this point. Not caring to organize nor take anything special to him. He knows better than that.

It was the winter holidays and usually, Remus either stayed at Hogwarts or stayed with a friend. This time though, Remus’ family requested him to come home for Christmas. This worried the other marauders and the rest of the friend group tremendously. The Lupin’s never wanted him home for anything anymore. Since meeting Sirius, James, and Peter he could probably count on one hand the number of times he's been back home since the day his parents shipped him off to Hogwarts. He couldn't even tell you what his room at that horrid place looks like anymore. Does he even have a room there now? 

Sirius walked over and grabbed Remus by the arm. He was not backing down. “Yes, you do. You always do. Go to James’ place. You know the Potter's will back you up.”

“I don't want to cause any problems and I'm only 16. I have to do what they say.”, It pained Remus to say but it was true.

Sirius kicked the wastebasket next to Peter's desk and grumbled something Remus couldn't pick up. But knowing Sirius it most likely consisted of cussing out Remus’ parents. And Remus would probably agree with the comment. 

“Look Pads, they only want me there for two weeks. I'll show up, keep quiet, play their twisted games and be back at the Potter's or Evan's before our yearly holiday quidditch game in the snow.”, Remus tried to look convincing and nonchalant but they both know how much this is scaring him. How worried he is. The last time they demanded him home they tried to turn him back into a full human. And what's so wrong with that you may be asking? Well, imagine how muggles use electroshock therapy to make gays straight but replace the shock part with human blood. 

That's right. They found some sadistic, wolf hating doctor then restrained him to a chair and pumped him full of human blood laced with powdered silver. It may have almost killed the werewolf in him but it was dragging the human part down with it. This happened for almost two months. He transformed once and almost got out but they crucio’d him. Three times. Long story short James busted in with Sirius, Peter, an Auror, and Mr. And Mrs. Potter. That should have been enough for Remus to get taken away but in the end, the auror did nothing. Claiming that Mr. And Mrs. Lupin legally did nothing wrong and were just trying to heal their sick son. Bloody bastard.

But that is in the past and the Potter's threatened to take them to court for child abuse if they did anything like that again and the Lupins wouldn't want to have to pay for a lawyer and all the legal fees or tarnish their family name. Having a werewolf son was already bad enough. Now onto the next adventure in the Lupin hellhole household. 

~~~~~

They're on the train heading to platform 9 ¾ where the usual routine would be James, Sirius and Remus meeting up with Mr. and Mrs. Potter before heading for ice cream and then going back to Godric’s Hollow, but now Remus has to part ways and find his parents. He finds them at the back of the platform with their noses held high acting as if Remus wasn't worth their time. And if that's the case why do they even want him around? 

To say that Remus’ friends weren't happy would be the understatement of the century. The Marauders were obviously pissed but before they were even out of Scotland even more of his friends were coming by the compartment to talk. Marlene, Kingsley, Mary, Frank and even Regulus were all giving their two cents. Don't get him wrong, Remus loves his friends and loves that they care enough to be mad but it's not like he has a choice.

~~~~~~

Remus is beginning to truly worry now. He's been here three days and they've been treating him decently. They've been feeding him, no one has hit him, they haven't really verbally abused him but on the other hand, they haven't said much at all to him and they even asked him how his school year went… James thinks they're going to sell Remus on the black market to werewolf masochist, Sirius has already planned his escape, Peter keeps offering him chocolate and Lilly, of course being the only rational one, says maybe they're trying to be civil and want to speak to him face to face. Remus doesn't even want to get into what others were saying.

Then the winter ball, held at the Malfoy estate every year, was coming up. Remus hasn't attended since he was 8. Since word got out he had been bitten. He viewed that as a blessing and a curse. See, he now didn't have to attend stuck up events held by snooty purebloods because he was a disgrace but on the other hand, he was a werewolf. It didn't take long though before figuring out his families intentions. It started the night before the ball. Remus was sat in an ugly oversized chair by the fire in one of the sittings rooms of the house. He's been reading over the textbooks for his next, and sadly last, year at Hogwarts when his mother decided to grace him with her presence. 

“Hello, Remus. What are you reading?”, She sat down across from him with a look of mock interest. Remus looked up at her and raised one eyebrow. This is the first time since he got here that he really looked at her. She's aged, her hair is laced with gray strands and the corners of her bright blue eyes have become creased. He really isn't in the mood to play civil. 

“What do you want, mother?”, Mrs. Lupin’s face began to contort into outrage so Remus continued.

“You've been acting weird since before I even met up with you and dad at the platform. You've actually had me sit at the table for meals and dad hasn't said a word to me this last week and a half. I know something's up.”, Remus sat back in his chair, the DADA textbook James bought him is sitting on the floor long forgotten. His mother began to straighten out the folds of her dress and refused to make eye contact, a nervous habit she has still failed to break it seems. 

“Mother.”, Mrs. Lupin looked up and sighed. She shifted her vision and began to study the curtains. They've been changed since Remus was last here. 

“Narcissa Black.”, She looked him in the eyes, face unreadable. Though Remus was going through an array of emotions and he's sure every single one displayed on his face. 

“But I'm a werewolf. You can't seriously still want me to marry her. Hell, I mean… she can't possibly want to marry me!”, He was becoming hysterical. He can't do this. He felt panic beginning to rise in his chest. 

“She doesn't know anything about our -furry little problem and that's how it will stay. Understand?”, His mother countered calmly, a small quirk on her lips. Remus couldn't do anything but stare. 

“So you will attend the ball, wearing your best, you will be on your best behavior and you will begin to court, Ms. Black. Do you understand?”, Her tone was borderline deadly. 

“Do I have a choice?”, Remus barely spoke above a whisper. 

“Not if you know what's good for you.”, And with that, she got up and swept out of the room.

Her words were left ringing in his ears. Ever since his mother spoke that name a cold sweat has followed Remus around. As he lays on his bed that night many scenarios play through his head. From getting ready for the ball the next day to 2.5 kids and a sham of a marriage. Make no mistake, this has nothing to do with Narcissa herself. He's only met her a few times but she seemed well enough. No, it has nothing to do with her. It's all him and not only his “furry little problem” but his sexuality too. And speaking of sexuality, Sirius is going to lose his shit. Remus spends a few hours contemplating on writing to Sirius to let him know but in the end, he slips into another meeting with The Void™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where I'm taking this so if anyone has suggestions of where they'd like this to go feel free to comment. Also I want to get more into writing again so if you have a fic request for the HP world let me know in the comments! Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> This originally wasn't gonna be chaptered but then I decided I wanted to continue it so stay tuned for more if you want to I guess¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
